Posts Tagged ‘lifestyle blog’

A Christmas Blessing

Friday, December 25th, 2009

Everyone is blessed at Christmas, whether they are aware of it or not.  And you don’t have to be a Christian for Christmas to have an effect on your spirituality.

I’m a perfect example.  I’m not a Christian.  I don’t buy Christmas gifts or have a Christmas tree.  Bah humbug.  The materialism of Christmas turned me off nearly a half century ago.  And a lifelong examination of my religious beliefs and the religious philosophies of the world has pretty much made me conclude that I’m perhaps an atheist.

But I am blessed with a great wife, who happens to be my best friend and business partner.  Her unbridled enthusiasm for Christmas makes that a time of year that I especially appreciate all she’s done for me and all that she means to me.

I recall a quote, “Love is the soul’s recognition of its counterpoint in another.”  That wraps up my feelings toward our special relationship.

So I ask on this Christmas day that you not dwell on what things you did or didn’t find under your Christmas tree.  Instead, think longingly of the ones you love.  For it is that love that carries you through the other 364 days of the year.

- Mountain Man

http://www.MountainmanandCityGirl.com

A Real Jump-Start

Friday, December 11th, 2009

Nearly a year into the Obama administration I think Americans can see that the No.1 issue in the nation’s mind – the economy – is still sputtering.  Bank bailouts and all that stuff just aren’t working fast enough.

As Mighty Mouse used to say, “Here I come to save the day!”  So here’s my simplistic approach to ending the Recession.

The United States of America has the highest bond rating possible – AAA.  That rating means that the U.S. is not likely to default on debt.  Thanks to the Bretton Woods Accord back in the 1970s, the U.S. dollar is no longer backed by the gold in Fort Knox.  The American dollar – of which there are 829 billion – is backed by the government’s ability to generate revenue to pay down it’s debt.

New dollars are issued when the Federal Reserve elects to fund the purchase of debt, which is usually through U.S. Treasury Bonds.  Done in excess, this can cause inflation, but bear with me.

The net worth of Americans is currently $53.4 trillion.  Prior to the Recession, it was $64.5 trillion.  In other words, we’ve lost 17.2% of our worth.  By the way, $348 billion of our collective $53.4 trillion is household real estate holdings, i.e. your house.

That’s the background, now my proposal.

Let’s give each American household $10,000 tax free.  With 105,480,101 households, that’s $1.05 trillion.

There are 7.7 million businesses in America.  Let’s give them each $100,000 tax free.  That’s a mere $770 billion. 

So add it up and the American government can print and distribute $1.82 trillion.  This isn’t money raised by taxes.  We’re just gonna print it and give it out.  There’s just one stipulation – the money can’t leave the country.  It can’t be sent to relatives in Nicaragua or used to hire workers in China.  It has to be spent in the 50 states.

Think of the ramifications.  The boost to the economy will be incredible.  Some people will pay down debt or save their homes, while others will buy TVs, cars, and yes, useless junk.  Some might even use some of the money for booze, cigarettes, and methamphetimines, but that can’t be helped.

All this will turn into many of the 7 million people laid off from work since the beginning of the Recession getting gainful employment again.  For every dollar currently in circulation, there will now be three dollars.  Banks will start lending again and the good times will roll.  States will see an increase in sales taxes collected, easing their budget pains.

The nay-sayers will yell that my plan will cause inflation.  Sure, it will.  But it’ll be manageable, maybe 10% at most and it will be a one-time thing, just like my giveaway windfall.  But the trade-off of jobs and reduced personal debt is well worth it.  The American economy will have the jump-start it needs.

Some might call my plan crazy.  But at least I have a plan.

And I bet you’re smiling and already thinking about how you’d spend your $10,000. 

- Mountain Man

http://www.MountainManandCityGirl.com

Deer Wars

Thursday, March 20th, 2008

Everything I feared about Dolly appeared to be true.  As the dominant doe in our original group of four of West Virginia’s finest whitetail deer, it was basically up to her whether the the new outsiders would be accepted.  Would she share the corn feeder with the three new deer, plus the pair she’d already intimidated, or defend it for the exclusive use of her group?

I could only hope she would share.  There was plenty for her group – Ruthie, another three year old or more (and probably Dolly’s sister), plus their two yearlings Alfalfa and Darla.  I was quite optimistic considering that 50 pounds of corn was consumed from Monday night to Thursday morning.  I had watched the four deer for nearly a year and knew they could never eat that much in 60 hours.

Hopefully that meant that bossy Dolly was allowing the other five to feed.  She was tolerating it, though somewhat reluctantly no doubt. 

No chance.  Dream on.

Thursday evening, I returned home around 6:30, just an hour or so before dark.  Six deer startled as I pulled up the 300-foot gravel driveway, but they didn’t scamper right off.  They stood and stared me down, as if wondering whether I meant them any harm.  They sent me a message, “We’re hanging out.” 

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I walked from my truck to the new pole barn under construction, never lifting my head to look the transfixed deer in the eye.  I checked out the progress on the barn, sneaking peeks now and then to see if the deer were still standing and looking at me.  They were.  This only happened once in a while in the past year – when they weren’t going to leave the feeder area for others to pillage.

I got into the log cabin and within 10 minutes the hill above the feeder proved to be a battleground for warring deer.  On two separate occasions, large does attempted to approach the trough full of corn.  Both times Dolly raised her front hoofs and made an aggressive display.  They backed off.  Two outlaw yearlings, in all their innocence, also made the mistake of approaching the feeder to eat.  They were easily and summarily rebuffed.

Dolly allowed Ruthie, Alfalfa, and Darla to eat as much as they wanted while she stood guard, her head held proudly and defiantly in the air.  I almost think she was forcing them to linger at the feeder and keep chowing down, just to show the other deer her contempt for them.  Several times the foursome appeared to be leaving the feeder area, only to suddenly turn and head back, led by you-know-who.

My hope is that the other five whitetail deer will sneak back from time to time throughout the night to feed.  Over the course of the next week, Dolly will begin to accept that she can’t defend the feeder 24 hours a day.  Let the others feed.  Have compassion for those three pregnant does, who, like you and Ruthie, will be giving birth in a month.  You’re all deer.  You’re all in this thing together.

Well, we’ll see if Dolly mellows out.  My fingers are crossed.

- Mountain Man

Progress

Thursday, March 20th, 2008

My solo visits from our home in Cape May, New Jersey to our log cabin in Green Bank, West Virginia have to be productive.  It’s these times, when City Girl stays behind to run the real estate business, that I must make progress on some of the many home projects I have underway.

I arrived in Green Bank this past Sunday, with a construction crew due Monday to build a 24′ x 32′ pole barn with metal sides.  They were scheduled to be finished by Friday.  It’s one of those companies I found on the internet that does everything but the concrete floor, which gets poured after they’re done and gone.  The barn-building folks are located just 88 miles from here, so it’s just about as local as it gets.

I was there to “supervise” and make sure that critical first-day decisions were made by me, since I tend to be somewhat of a perfectionist (some say “anal”).  And supervise I did on Monday, making sure everything was done to my satisfaction.  I had to locate bags of concrete for the crew by calling around to various supply stores, then helped pick them up.  But after that it’s pretty straight forward.  I wasn’t really needed, and I wasn’t just gonna stand there and watch them work.

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To make effective use of my time, I had two local guys – my own “crew” – work with me on a tree clearing project.  I would run the chainsaw and they’d haul the cut firewood and brush.  We’d all done it together several times in the past year, so it was kinda routine now.  We knew our roles, and how hard we’d have to work to accomplish our task.  I could check in on the pole barn guys – foreman Duane, Norman and Clint – every once in a while and still run my own gig.  All five guys – my crew and theirs – are good guys and decent human beings.  What more can you ask?

We’re located in the Allegheny Mountains at an elevation of about 2,700 feet, or roughly a half mile.  So there is very little flat land – it’s all up and down and sidehill.  Cutting and hauling trees, mostly oaks, is a challenge.  The goal of this clearing was to open a view of the mountain to the east while also benefiting from more sun in the cold months.

Lew and Clinton – my guys – started work on Monday by covering a bed of shrubs with mulch, a leftover task from October.  Then they dragged all the brush I had created on my last visit in February to the burn pile.  Tuesday found us cutting and hauling for six hours.  The view was beginning to open up, but a few remaining strategic oaks still blocked the million dollar vista.

This morning, Wednesday, we tackled the last dozen trees.  Knowing it was due to start raining by noon and then rain the rest of the day and night, we hurried along.  By 11 o’clock, we were done.  Just as we walked into the cabin to get the guys their pay, the sky opened up.  We smiled a collective smile.

Meanwhile, the pole barn trio had a much less productive day.  Their usual late start combined with the rainout made the 88-mile trip over four mountain ranges almost not worthwhile.  But still, after three days, the barn is all framed out.  Tomorrow the roof will go on and the five windows will be installed.  I can’t wait to see the cupola and weathervane.  Friday the insulation and walls go up and they are finished.  A separate contractor comes one day next week to install the two garage-style doors.

Saturday, my crew, plus my main contractor Rich and sidekick Frank – will prepare the garage floor for concrete.  That entails leveling off the gravel and dirt floor, then tying rebar in a checkerboard pattern for extra strength.  We had planned on pouring the concrete on Monday or Tuesday, but with low temperatures expected to be about 20 degrees each morning that was out of the question.

By the time I head back to New Jersey on Sunday, the barn will be standing and lacking only the two cement trucks worth of concrete which we’ll tackle in two weeks when I return.  The breathtaking view of Sunrise Mountain, so named by me due to the sun rising over its peak on winter mornings, is ready for City Girl to admire and enjoy on her next visit.  All in all, my seven days in Green Bank will be remembered as satisfyingly productive.  As usual!

- Mountain Man

Nine and Counting

Wednesday, March 19th, 2008

I arrived at our West Virginia cabin this past Sunday, March 16.  Now early afternoon Wednesday, March 19, the rain pours down and I sit reflecting on the events that have shaped the last three and a half days.  A lot has happened, which I’ll expound on in my next blog.

This is a story about the local white-tail deer that share our 19 acres.  Since moving into the cabin a year ago, we have come to recognize the individual deer.  The first regulars to the corn feeder we dubbed “Our Gang”.  There were two fawns, now yearlings, and two adult mothers.  We nicknamed the youngsters Darla and Alfalfa, and the mature mothers Dolly and Ruthie, for our own two mothers. 

We watched them interact, and quickly knew the pecking order.  It was Dolly, Ruthie, Alfalfa, then lastly, Darla.  After a few months, another mother and six-month old showed up.  They stood off 30 feet, waiting for Our Gang, the dominate group, to feed first.  When the two groups got real close to one another, it got tense.  Dolly would occasionally assert her authority with slashing hoofs.  Sometimes we’d see this new aloof pair around the feeder, and sometimes not for a while.  But it did bring the resident count to six deer.

Yesterday afternoon, the two work crews left around 4:30 after a good accomplishment day.  Ten minutes later I walked past the kitchen window and noticed three deer partway up the hill, guessing them to be from “Our Gang”.  Moments later, I looked up and saw another group coming in from a different direction.  My pulse jumped.

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Discreetly, I peered out the windows and finally settled on there being nine deer.  The trough that holds the feed corn is six feet long, with accessibility from both sides.  As many as six deer at a time were munching on corn or licking the new apple-flavored salt block located in the trough at one end.  I was grinning ear to ear.  I couldn’t wait to tell City Girl.

I stood and studied this menagerie of white-tail deer.  There were four yearlings, three two-year olds, and two that were three years old or more – Dolly and Ruthie.  The two year olds have a more immature face, with the snout still not extended like the older deer.  I pondered these three two-year olds who would each be giving birth for the first time in about a month.  They wouldn’t be teenagers anymore!

Then I saw the big picture.  Dolly and Ruthie will each have a fawn, as will the three first-time mothers.  That means pretty soon there will be five new fawns – learning, exploring, and bonding.  That brings the local population to 13 deer.  How exciting!

But then I wonder – will they all stick around?  Will bossy Dolly share her domain or drive off the others?  There’s a mountain behind our property with a few hundred acres.  Surely, they share the mountain.  Can’t they share coming to the feeder?

My attention turns back to the five pregnant does.  Oh boy, new fawns are coming.  I’m as ready as an expectant father!

- Mountain Man

Paparazzi

Tuesday, February 26th, 2008

I have to snicker when I hear a youngster say that their goal in life is to be ‘rich and famous’.  I usually tell them, “Rich, okay.  But you don’t want to be famous.”  The reason, of course, is paparazzi.  Of all the legal occupations in the world, being ‘photographer of celebrities’ has to be one of the lowest levels on the integrity scale.

Paparazzi, as you no doubt are aware, will do anything to take the picture or video of a famous person.  Then they sell it to some junk magazine or mindless website or television Hollywood gossip show.  But the fact that they profit from such a shallow pursuit isn’t what makes them so despicable, though they are.  It’s the lengths they’ll go to capturing the photo.

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Imagine the life of a paparazzi.  Sitting in your car day and night, staking out a celebrity’s home.  Or standing on the sidewalk for hours at a time outside a restaurant that attracts movie stars or music idols.  Your whole life is dedicated to taking some schmo’s picture.  That’s no way to make a difference in the world!

If I was suddenly famous, I would definitely not want this surreal attention.  You step out your door, a half dozen guys are battling to get your picture before you make it to the car.  Go to the grocery store and they’re following you up and down every aisle.  Take a Caribbean vacation, helicopters are hovering overhead or boatloads of photographers are swarming.  Big brother is watching.

All of this clandestine photography is only made possible due to unquenchable thirst of bored and boring people who live vicariously through others.  If Jane Public didn’t watch those trashy TV shows, buy those tasteless magazines, and support those hollow websites, the paparazzi would have no market for their product and they would just go away.

I don’t care about the everyday life of Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, those Olsen twins.  Not interested in Brad Pitt, Jack Nicholson or Macauley Culkin.  I don’t care who’s married to whom, who’s sleeping with whom, who’s been arrested or in drug rehab or slit their wrists.  I don’t care what dress they’re wearing, what style their hair is, or what restaurant they were spotted in.

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Don’t get me wrong.  I respect a good actor because they’re a good actor.  I like their work, but I could care less about their personal life.  Same for singers, musicians, comedians, or pro athletes.  I shared a moment with you via your craft, but I don’t need to peek inside your personal life.  You’re just a person doing your job, just like me.  Is that weird?

For a photojournalist to chase these people in their cars, rumble through their trash cans, contact high school sweethearts, and turn their life inside out is inexcusable.  Show them some respect.  Let them live peaceably.  Give ‘em a dadgum break!

With all the injustice and suffering in our world, and all the problems that need to be solved to save our planet, doesn’t chasing someone around to take their photograph seem unimportant in the grand scope of things?  Isn’t one’s dignity and privacy cherished anymore?  Is nothing out of bounds?

- Mountain Man

I Just Don’t Care

Tuesday, February 26th, 2008

I am really tired of hearing the national media spout tales of personal indiscretions by high profile people.  I don’t care about a person’s demons and misdeeds, just how they perform in the job they are entrusted with.  Let me explain.

So much has been made about Bill Clinton’s sexual snafus.  I could care less.  Those things should only be an issue between him and Hillary.  It’s their relationship, their vows, their betrayal, their problem.  The same goes for Dwight Eisenhower, Jack Kennedy, Lyndon Johnson, Wilbur Mills, Gary Hart, and on and on.  It should be between Ike and Mamie, Jack and Jackie, Lyndon and Lady Bird, etc.  Did I really need to know about the Argentine Firecracker?  I think not.

Now I see the media frantically trying to tie John McCain to some much-younger female lobbyist. Give me a break.  I am only interested in whether these guys are good at their job.  Are they effective legislators?  Do they care about the people?  Do they suck up to special interests?  Do they have solutions?

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The media focuses too much on personal stuff, which puts real issues on the back burner.  I am intensely interested in the 2008 presidential election.  I want to know the details, yes details, of how each candidate would restructure our economy, rebuild our worldwide relationships, end the budget deficit, promote alternative energy, etc.  Instead, McCain has to defend himself against the lobbyist garbage, Obama has to defend wearing a turban, and Hillary has to defend … well, you know.

I have visited the websites of each of these three candidates.  Pandering to the media and not wanting to alienate a single voter, each tells vaguely what they are going to do as president, but not HOW!  I wanna know.  Stop giving the media sound bites, and let’s talk nuts and bolts. 

I also want to know why Congress is getting involved in steroids in baseball?  Don’t we have enough serious problems in the world that need to be addressed?  Shouldn’t the steroid thing be handled by major league baseball.  They have a commissioner and their own bureaucracy.  Let them deal with it.  Why is Roger Clemens out lobbying Congressmen in Washington? 

Now I hear speculation that Congress might even stick its nose into the spygate affair concerning the coach of the NFL’s New England Patriots.  You’ve got to be kidding.  The media is making a big thing out of stuff that is inconsequential to my life.

In baseball and football, teams have tried to intercept their opponents intentions since the sports originated.  What pitch is the catcher calling for?  Is the quarterback going to throw a screen pass or run an end around?  Figuring the other team’s strategy has been an integral part of those sports, and until recently any means necessary was an acceptable part of the game.

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So when did the introspective media originate?  When did reporters stop winking and hushing up?   In my mind, it was around the time of Watergate.  Woodward and Bernstein took investigative journalism to another level, bringing down Richard Nixon.  The same can be said for the national media driving Thomas Eagleton away for psychiatric therapy in his past, or William Loeb and his Manchester (NH) Union Leader probably costing Edmund Muskie a presidential election victory, only to later find out the charges were false.

Let’s focus on issues.  Let’s have candidates and politicians talk about solutions.  Let’s bring the process back to its grassroots.  Let’s have honest debate, citizen input!

As for all the dirt, the muckraking, the philandering.  Frankly Scarlet, I don’t give a damn!

- Mountain Man

American Paradise (Part 17 of 17)

Saturday, February 23rd, 2008

 (This entire 17-part story can be found in the “travel” category.)

Finally, we docked in a marina full of nice boats.  Unlike Mayaguena Island, we weren’t the only boat around.  Here in Freeport, Bahamas, were hundreds, maybe thousands of every size and description.  I eased off the onto the dock.  I had become so used to the swaying of the sailboat that the ground seemed to be swaying underneath me.  I had to fight to keep my balance and not stumble over like a drunk.

Tony spoke to the harbor master, then returned to the boat with instructions for us to stay put until customs officials arrived.  After 20 minutes, I was going nuts.  I could see the marina’s bathroom and showering facilities.  I couldn’t resist.  I had to get the salt stains off my skin, wash my cuts, smell fresh again.  I gathered up clean clothes, shampoo, soap and a towel, and headed for the shower.  I muttered over my shoulder, “Let them arrest me.  I wanna shower!”

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Once in the shower, I couldn’t wash myself.  I had to hold my arms out sideways to brace against the walls so I wouldn’t fall over.  My land legs hadn’t returned yet.  Still, I was all smiles and finally got enough of me clean to call it quits.  I dressed, then walked a hundred yards over to a casino in the first floor of a hotel.  I stood at the Coke machine and bought three straight sodas, guzzling each one like I’d been in the desert.  It was sooo nice to drink something cold again.

Returning to the dock, I saw uniformed authorities checking Tony and Lisa’s papers.  They passed.  As they eyed mine, I announced that I would not be leaving on this sailboat.  The higher ranked official didn’t like that thought.  “You have to,” he stated with a genuine smile.  I was firm in my resolve, so we began negotiations.  Soon, he relented and would allow me to fly on an airplane.  He drove me to the airport and we had a wonderful discussion.  He was a nice chap, a pride to his country.

At the airport, I bought my $79 ticket and he assigned a security cop to make sure I got on the plane.  Two hours and another three cold Cokes later, the puddle-jumper plane bound for Orlando began boarding.  Soon, we were airborne.

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By the time the hour flight was circling Orlando, just about all 20 passengers on the little airplane were thoroughly engrossed in the tales of my sailing adventure.  I showed off my cuts and bruises like they were medals.  After touch down, we departed the plane onto a tarmac.  Surrounded by a dozen of my new friends, I dropped to my knees and kissed the ground.  They applauded, causing a tear in my eye.

Needless to say, I have not stepped foot on a sailboat since that fateful adventure in 1990.  Once was enough.  But I have relived that trip a thousand times.  I’ve swayed with the waves, heard the wind, felt the seaspray, and looked longingly at the sunrises, sunsets, moonrises and moonsets.

- Mountain Man

American Paradise (Part 16 of 17)

Saturday, February 23rd, 2008

 (This entire 17-part story can be found in the “travel” category.)

I was anxious to get the life raft inflated and paddle the 200 yards to shore.  I was ready to explore Mayaguena Island.  But by the time Tony and Lisa were ready, the dock was nearly empty again.  I had hoped to talk someone into giving us a ride to town, but most already left for home.

Finally, we got to the shore.  When I stepped out of the raft, I stood on the beach and then bent and grabbed a fist full of sand and yelled a victorious “YES”.  I soon located a few locals who took us halfway to town.  On the ride, after relating our story about the storm, I mentioned that I washed my blood off in the little harbor.

Imagine my horror when my new companions told me that 14-foot sharks are so abundant there that it is off-limits for locals to swim.  They said I was lucky to be alive to tell of my foolish act.

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At a makeshift drug-runner airplane landing strip where we were dropped off, a jeep quickly stopped and ushered us into the open-top backseat.  It turned out to be island’s governor and the chief of police in the jeep.  They didn’t reveal their identities until we reached the edge of town (actually, it was more a collection of shacks).  By then, we had already shared our experiences at sea.  They knew we were good folks.  And beat up.  In typical island-style, the chief told us not to bother showing him our passports because it would make unnecessary paperwork for him.

After five Cokes and an order of french fries (they called them chips), I called home back to City Girl in New Jersey on a shortwave radio.  I had told her I’d be in Florida in nine days, so she was shocked when discovering I was only halfway there.  Three hours later, we were back at the raft.  We inflated it again, and raced to get aboard our sailboat.

We left Mayguena and limped northwest in our battered craft.  It would be nearly a week before we got to Freeport, Bahamas.  Another week of nothing cold to drink and no shower.  My thoughts that last week were of a great, big chocolate milkshake, of soaking in a bathtub, and of being on solid ground.

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The Mayaguena to Freeport journey was uneventful.  We were all somewhat subdued after our ordeal at sea.  The beautiful skies, especially around dusk and dawn, left lasting memories.  Finally, we spotted the Bahaman island.  It was exciting.  It was just what I needed to rid me of an incessant headache that had haunted me since the storm.  A few more hours and we’d be in port.

It also meant the conclusion of the sailing portion of my trip.  At Freeport, I would find other means of transportation to Florida.  You see, I had discovered that sailboats are too slow for me.  A hundred miles a day won’t due.  I thought to myself that I would never do a long sail again.  Never!

- Mountain Man

American Paradise (Part 14 of 17)

Saturday, February 23rd, 2008

 (This entire 17-part story can be found in the “travel” category.)

The only other downside that first week at sea on our voyage from St. Thomas, US Virgin Islands to the central Florida coast was that the winds were not cooperating.  Tony had expected to cover 150 to 200 miles a day, but at 4 knots we only logged 96 a day.  On top of that, the winds were in the wrong direction.  We needed to head northwest, but in reality we were going almost dead north into the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.

On the eighth day, there was NO wind.  It looked like a tabletop, something I’d never seen before except in maybe an old Errol Flynn pirate movie.  The only thing breaking the surface was the thousands of flying fish who accompanied us the entire trip, and three killer whales who seemed curious about our craft and kept rubbing against it.  They let us touch them on each pass.

By midday, off to the north, we noted ominous black clouds.  We were about to get the roller coaster ride of our lives.

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Within an hour, the wind had kicked up to 40 mph and the seas were wild.  When we were in the trough between two waves, the tops were 30-40 feet above our heads.  The rain came down (or perhaps sideways is a better description) with such force that it stung our exposed skin.  The power of the ocean and Mother Nature had earned my instant respect.

We had a big problem that had to be addressed immediately.  Tony, not knowing how bad conditions would become, had decided to leave the sails up as the storm approached.  Now we had to get the sails down or risk losing our masts.

Since Tony was the sailing expert and the most necessary person aboard, I quickly volunteered to go out and reel in the sails.  Snapping on a lifeline, I crawled along the deck as waves washed over me.  It was like being in a washing machine. 

In what seemed like an eternity, but was probably 15 or 20 minutes, I got the sails down and secured and got back to the hatch.  My heart was racing a mile a minute.

The storm continued all night and all the next day.  We each took our three hour shifts in turn outside in the weather, although we really had no control over our craft.  Or destiny.

- Mountain Man

American Paradise (Part 13 of 17)

Saturday, February 23rd, 2008

(This entire 17-part story can be found in the “travel” category.) 

I had an hour to hitchhike across the island to the Megans Bay beach, but I was there in 45 minutes.  I was tired from not sleeping and a bit woozy from all that alcohol, so I plopped down in the sand.  I looked across the bay and saw what I imagined was their anchored sailboat.  Soon, Tony appeared, jumped into a tiny lifeboat, and rowed to the beach.

“Let me pump some more air into this before we head back,” he said.  “It’s not holding air very well.”  That done, I threw my possessions into the life raft, climbed in, and we were soon back to his sailboat.  I met Lisa, and soon the three of us were heading north toward Puerto Rico.  I had never sailed before, but this seemed like fun.  It wouldn’t last.

About six hours into the trip, the combination of over-imbibing the night before and being a landlubber caught up to me.  The rocking back and forth of the boat was too much.  “I’ll never drink again,” I said as everything in my stomach came up and found its way into the Atlantic Ocean. 

I continued to heave over the side when I noticed a US Coast Guard cutter bearing down on us.  They must have thought we were drug runners because the next thing I knew they launched a motorized raft and four of the soldiers were carrying machine guns.  Over a loudspeaker, one yelled, “Prepare to be boarded”.  Through it all I was laying prone on the deck, cursing everything my stomach was rejecting.

After coming aboard with guns drawn, one yelled at me, “Don’t move!”  “Please shoot me,” I answered.  I think I would have preferred it to being that sick.  After they tore the boat apart in search of drugs, the Coast Guard guys mellowed out and we chatted for awhile.  Naturally, each one had done his training in Cape May, New Jersey where I lived, so we had a lot in common.  Oh yeah, they got a real kick out of me being so sick.

The need for three crew on the sailboat was due to each person needing to take the helm for three hours, then you’d have six hours to rest.  That would have to be maintained around the clock.  Tony had me follow him in the batting order, that way he could brief me – the rookie - on anything special I needed to know when I took over.

For the next week, the trip was rather uneventful.  We anchored in a small bay in Culebra that night, then the next day stopped in San Juan to stock up for the voyage.  My seasickness lasted just that first day, and the beautiful sunrises and moonrises and sunsets and moonsets brought an inner peace that defies description.

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Besides my seasickness, something else lasted just that first day – our electricity.  For some reason the boat’s batteries wouldn’t recharge.  That meant we had no running lights at night when those big ships that were 20 times larger than us could squash us like a bug hitting a windshield.  We would have to be extra alert on our night shifts.

It also meant we couldn’t use our global positioning satellite (GPS) instrument whenever we wanted.  The ship’s batteries, if we didn’t use them for anything else, had just enough juice for us to use the GPS tool once a day for five minutes.  We could only positively fix our position once a day.

Hmmm.  No lights, GPS only once a day, and a life raft that wouldn’t hold air.  What had I gotten myself into?

- Mountain Man

American Paradise (Part 12 of 17)

Saturday, February 23rd, 2008

 (This entire 17-part story can be found in the “travel” category.)

With my decision made to leave the US Virgin Islands, the self-proclaimed “American Paradise”, I had already lightened my work load by quitting my construction job.  The parents of the five schoolkids I was tutoring also understood that when the call came, I might be leaving St. Thomas in a hurry.  How prophetic!

On the second day after placing in marinas the 3×5 cards looking for a boat ride, I got a phone call in the Mexican restaurant where I worked.  It was a 45-year old fellow, and he and his 18-year old daughter were sailing to Florida.  He wanted to know if I would meet with him to discuss me becoming a crew member.  I told him to come right over to the restaurant and we’d chat.

Tony and I hit it off right away.  It turned out he had a 46-foot ketch that he had built in his backyard in Durban, South Africa.  He and Lisa, his daughter, had been sailing for the past year and a half.  They needed a third crew member to sail the approximately 1,500 journey to Florida.  He expected the journey to take eight or nine days.

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I talked to Tony about my desire to really go to Belize, then travel up through Mexico on my way back to the states.  I was undecided. Sail with them to Florida, or hold out for Belize?  Decisions, decisions.  I didn’t dwell too long.  ”I’ll go,” I said, “Under one condition”.  Tony took a deep breath and waited for the punchline.  “You can’t have any drugs on the boat.  If you do, tell me now and I’ll just walk away.  I won’t tell anyone, but I won’t come along.”

Tony vehemently assured me that he didn’t and said he’d never put his daughter at risk.  We shook hands, and agreed he’d pick me up in a life raft at 6am the next morning on a small beach on the opposite side of the island.  My heart was pounding in anticipation!

As Tony left the restaurant, I quit my job and told them to not bother writing my paycheck.  They could keep the money since I was leaving abruptly.  That only seemed fair.  I went back to my house, and a short while later my backpack and duffel bag full of tools were packed and sitting by the door.  Over the next two hours, I said good-bye to as many friends as I could find, including Willie and his family and all the kids I tutored.  I also called City Girl from a pay phone and told her I’d be in Florida in nine days.

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By 5pm, Aaron and Doug returned home from work.  “I’m outta here,” I exclaimed, then told them about my upcoming sailing adventure.  “Let’s party,” we agreed.  We walked to our favorite bar and began the farewell party.  By 2am, well inebriated, a half dozen of us headed back to the house.  By 4am, when Aaron and Doug called it quits, only a local woman and myself were left. 

She was known for walking around town with her pet parrot on her shoulder.  You can’t imagine how many tourists wanted to take her picture every day.  She was also a clairvoyant, if that’s the correct term.  She had visions.  She was a sweet person and we all like her alot.

By 5am, we were getting ready to call it a night.  I looked over at her sitting on the sofa and she was crying.  I sat next to her and said, “It’s alright.  You won’t miss me that much.” 

“No,” she said.  “It’s not that.  I just had a vision.  In it, you have two happy years with a woman, then you perish at sea.”  She sobbed even louder, then we hugged.

Oh my gosh.  I’d been with City Girl for two happy years.  Was I now going to die at sea?

- Mountain Man