It’s an arctic jihad. And we’ve got proof!
The weather the last couple months has been, well, extreme. Just look at the facts. The resort town of Whistler, British Columbia received an incredible 18 feet of snow in November. That’s November, mind you. That’s 216 inches of the white powder and nearly four times the November average of 58″. In fact, it’s nearly 20% more snow than the snowiest month ever at Whistler.
In England, it was as low as 7 degrees Fahrenheit this week. There has been snow in Madrid, Spain and Paris, France. Temperatures in Alabama and Mississippi have been in the teens. In Florida, the orange, grapefruit and vegetable crops are threatened with huge die-offs due to temperatures in the 20′s. The poor iguana’s are freezing to death and dropping out of the trees.
Even here in southern New Jersey, where we’re surrounded by the Atlantic Ocean and Delaware Bay and the influence of their relatively warmer water temperatures, it was 9 degrees Fahrenheit this morning. Heck, some winters we don’t even have to wear a winter coat. For the past six weeks, my winter coat has been my best friend.
We were optimistic this autumn when meteorologists reported an El Nino was warming the Pacific Ocean. That means a warm winter, doesn’t it? But they are attributing this excessive cold and snow to an “Arctic Oscillation”. Yeah, right, whatever that is.
Anyway, we received an email this morning from my old friend Icky Kitikmeot, an Inuit eskimo living outside Cambridge Bay on Victoria Island in the Northwest Territories of Canada. He shed a light on this entire weather thing.
It seems Icky was out muskox hunting last week about 250 miles north of the Arctic Circle when he came across a valley lined with giant fans. He lost count there were so many. Stealthly sneaking up to a pre-fab quonset hut, he couldn’t believe his eyes. Inside were dozens of men of apparent Middle Eastern descent. Icky laid quietly for hours, listening to their conversation.
It seems that they were definitely Al-Qaeda or something, and their goal was to disrupt next month’s XXI Winter Olympic Games in Vancouver and Whistler, and at the same time cause havoc in the empirial Western World. They laughed about the 14,000 fans they had positioned on Victoria Island that were blowing the dickens out of us infidels in North America and northern Europe.
Thanks to Icky, I’m about to alert our U.S. Department of Homeland Security about this situation. Think they’ll issue a “level white alert”?
- Mountain Man and City Girl